Weekends

Weekends are the hardest.  My work release schedule allows me to commute to work and back Monday through Friday, 6:45am to 7:15pm.  I am not allowed to work more than 50 hours a week, no more than 6 days in a week and I am given 75 minutes to commute each way.  From Friday night to Sunday night it's pretty much like a normal jail sentence.  Although, last weekend I went to church for the first time - admittedly it was just an excuse to get out for a few hours on Sunday.  

From what I understand, it's a service offered by the church and that is the only reason it's possible.  A church-owned van driven by a church volunteer arrives at the jail at 10:20am and picks up the guys who signed up for the service, which is limited to 9.  You have to sign up before Friday at 8am and you are subject to the approval of the Work Release Coordinator and maybe even your Probation Officer.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself more than I thought I would.  The church is supposed to be a non-denominational service but I suspect it has heavy evangelical influences.  I hadn't been to church since I was at least 16.  Growing up, my father and I never attended church for any reason other than weddings, baptisms and funerals.  The same is true for my mother, though there was a stint with her second husband where they attended regularly.  By the time I was in my early teens my dad and his new wife began attending a Lutheran church and eventually became quite active.  By that time I had moved in with Mom and the only time I ever went to service was when my father insisted.

The Emmanuel Lutheran Church back home was what I imagine a majority of Lutheran establishments are like.  Services are your standard sit down, bow-your-head, stand up, sing, sit down, listen to the sermon, stand up, sing and various other traditions.  I can't say I ever hated church services, I just didn't understand why we ever went.  The name "Jesus" was certainly not an oft used one.  I think "Indiana Jones" may have been used at least 50 times more.  It wasn't until after last Sunday's service when I got around to asking Dad why he started believing.  His simple response was "It wasn't up to me.  When Jesus wants you to open your heart to him, it will happen."  This is not unlike my father.  His answers are almost always Zen-like in their length but hardly as revealing or emotionally insightful.  Like all his answers to my questions, I simply accept them and move on until I can think of a better way to phrase it or peel back another layer of his atmosphere.

So the church I stepped into last weekend was like nothing I had ever seen before.  There was a stage extending out into the tiny "fellowship hall", gigantic high-definition projection screens and suspended plasma displays.  A 3-piece modern rock band with 3 back-up singers started the service with 2 contemporary Christian songs while the lyrics faded neatly from verse-to-verse on screen.  Stage lighting was coordinated deftly by a guy at a soundboard at the back of the room.  I wondered for a moment if I was in the correct place.  Many arms were raised during the choruses, with palms stretched out in praise.  One woman danced in a somewhat Pagan fashion up and down the aisle near me, twisting, turning and painting the room with her outstretched parallel arms.

The service mainly consisted of an easy-going presentation updating the congregation on the progress of getting their new plans to construct a larger fellowship hall approved by the County Commission.  Then the pastor (or whatever you call them) gave an interesting and passionate talk about forgiveness.  The theme seemed appropriate for my predicament and I listened intently to his Gospel quotes and modern stories.  I didn't feel the same indifference I felt so many years ago at Emmanuel Lutheran.  It connected with me and I left feeling a little lighter than when I entered - even though I am pretty sure I won't be attending this church after my sentence is complete.  If I attend a church with the family at all.  I'm not closing any doors, but I'm just not ready to commit to religious activities as of yet.

After the service our driver took us to Wendy's for lunch, which was a total surprise to me.  I sat with the driver and talked a little.  It turned out we are both in the same field: web programming.  Everything he had to say was laced with "God" and "Jesus", which still makes me a squirm a little - but I respect his faith and passion nonetheless.  He asked me for a business card and I obliged.  When I returned to work on Monday I discovered an email from him.

A-

Nice meeting you today. Like I explained today, I'm believing God for abundant projects to finance projects for God's kingdom. There are so many more reasons though. Obviously everyone has a call on their life, and I believe that people can find that calling working on projects like what God puts before me such that they can realize God's call.

Let me know when you have some more free time, and we can talk some more.

-C

I responded;

C-

Well I have to say the circumstances we were introduced to one another were certainly... "unique". I have to admit that my presence at the church on Sunday was the first time I had been to any in over 15 years. I'm best described as a "sceptic who wants to believe". It will take some time before I have made a final decision and will undoubtedly be one I will make with my wife, once we are in the position to explore the options together. I spent several hours yesterday reading "More Than A Carpenter", and I found the information impressive and influential. I believe in God - it's the concept of Jesus as God is where I get confused and frustrated. Moreover, it's the social aspects of organized religion that make the whole experience a little difficult, but I am patient and interested nonetheless. My father is a devout Christian, Lutheran to be exact (though he was not when I was a child) and my mothers family is Jewish, though none of them are very active in their community as Jews.

Well, that's my spiritual resume. Now professionally, I'll start by sharing some of my recent work and my resume, which is attached.

A

He hasn't responded and I suppose I won't know if I offended him until I see him next.  Perhaps he is simply busy.

I signed up for this weekend's service, though I am told it is unlikely we will be allowed to go.  The dorm failed our Wednesday inspection and this church privilege is said to be one of the ones they like to revoke when you fail inspection.  I have a few good books ready for consumption in my locker, and if I can't go then it will only mean a few more hours of reading instead of a short field trip for amusement and reluctant inspiration.

Signing out until Monday.  Have a nice weekend.